Stuck On Auto Responder
Today at lunch I noticed that I was acting with my auto responder on. Maybe you have had a similar situation where you are amazed by your actions; wondering if it really you. You seem like you- but you realize that this version of you is acting on autopilot. That was exactly what happened at lunch today while discussing the asset division of our home with my almost ex-husband. I was not being mindful. I had to stop and ask myself, Who is running the show here? Am I actively pursuing my goal or am I running on auto responder?
My goal, to have a win-win situation with my ex-husband. I want to respect our accomplishments of the past and to feel respected in this situation forward. And of course, having a fair division of our properties equity. Setting a clear goal prior to our meeting was crucial. How would I be feeling when I was accomplishing these goals? I knew I wanted to feel respect, love and a sense of fairness. Establishing how I would be feeling when these goals were met gave me a sense of internal control. I could review my feeling periodically throughout the meeting and use them as an indication of my immediate success.
The problem, I was afraid, having never been in this situation before made me feel vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable kicked in my auto responder thinking. My auto responder in this situation went something like: you know people will take advantage of you and therefore you have to fight for what you want. Feeling a loss of control was starting to dictate my behavior. I could tell I was moving further and further away from what I wanted. I was running on auto responder and that rarely gets me what I want.
Steps to achieving my goal took courage. I had to be willing to make the additional effort to insure success. I have in the past known what to do; but looked the other way because sometimes being on auto responder is easier.
Here was the fix: Turn off the auto responder! Paying attention to what was happening and how I was feeling allowed me to be at choice. Achieving my goal would take immediate intentional intervention. Regain the internal control that I knew I could have. By turning off my auto responder it allowed me to reconnect with what I really wanted: respect, love and a sense of fairness. I began to feel at choice. Ah freedom of choice, really no greater gift.
Are you on auto responder? I want to hear about it.
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